The Mandatory Eight Count

“A mandatory eight count is an 8 second count that a fallen boxer must take when he gets back on his feet. It allows the referee time to decide whether the boxer can continue the fight.”

Right around Christmas of last year, Nate’s dad took a turn for the worse. 

 Our relationship followed suit. 

When he told me his father would probably need a third surgery, he was looking for a fight.  I had just arrived home for Christmas break, feeling on top of the world.  When I talked to him as I was leaving Virginia, he was excited to see me.  Five hours later, when I called to tell him I was pulling into the driveway, things had changed. 

 He wasn’t direct, but he was distant.  By then, I knew his footwork and could tell something was seriously wrong.

 I was getting tired of being the bad guy.  I didn’t know if I could do it anymore. 

 I told him to stay home and cool off, but he came over anyway, and he walked in swinging. 

 I couldn’t agree with him.  He was still wrong.

 I couldn’t comfort him.  He wouldn’t accept it.

 I couldn’t defend myself.  He was in pain.

 So I took it. 

 I took my stance, set my jaw, and led with my chin.  I didn’t move.  I didn’t speak.  I let him yell at me in my parents’ kitchen, until, after a while he paused and asked if I was going to say anything. 

 And that’s when I surprised both of us.  I cried. 

 I hate crying in front of people.  Crying is something you do quietly when you’re alone in your bedroom or a bathroom stall…perhaps into a pillow. 

 But I cried then, in front of Nate, for the first time.  And suddenly it was over.  It was like somebody had flipped a switch.  He started to comfort me. 

 “Hey,” he said, “it’s going to be okay.  My dad’s on my mom’s insurance.  He’s going to start chemo again.   He’ll be okay.”

 We both felt better.  For a while, I had been seriously questioning our relationship.  That night, I thought maybe all of our differences were petty and we could work past them.  I thought maybe we were just two strong-willed people who genuinely care about each other and, at the end of the day, are truly good for each other. 

 Unfortunately, it didn’t stay that way for long.